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Tarot Pisses me off sometimes
not all that long ago i had a tarot reading given to me. find your priestess.....well thats vague. so yeah. tarot pisses me of sometimes. where the hell am i supposed to find her. its not like i can look her up in the yellow pages. someone to fit this, is gonna be impossible. this has been driving me nuts, and probably will for sometime to come. im gonna try and forget about it now and try to get some sleep. maybe ill get lucky and she will find me.

Stranger in the Night
This is a pretty strange story even for me, things of this kind dont happen that often, well anymore that is, and definetly not on there own. For starters let me just say i live almost right on top of a 3-way crossroad, which is perfect for dark encounters. This is the first of its kind sense ive lived here.

Im standing outside enjoying the night, at the edge of my driveway. heard a crackling sound, very low frequency, almost didnt hear it. the hair on my arms started to stand up a little. started to look around, i couldnt figure out where the sound was coming from. started to catch the smell of sulphur or electrical burn. My mind was racing now. its been years sense ive felt anything like i was just then.  everything got very still, the only sound was the crackling. As i looked toward the crossroad, a sudden gust of wind knocked me off my feet. all i could think was "sweet!" when i hit the ground, i was still looking at the crossroad, i started to hear what sounded like a low tone groaning sound. all the dogs in the neighborhood started barking. here i am sitting on the wet ground, it had been raining for the better part of 3 days, looking at the crossroad in anticipation. i could see a distortion of sorts starting to form. like heat waves coming off a hot grill. its about 64 degrees out give or take. the groaning started to get louder. i felt everything around me start to vibrate and shake. i kept thinking "no shit" and "this is gonna be fun".  i started to see an aparition of a figure start to take shape at the center of the crossroad. was very tall, very wide shouldered. suddenly the aparition started to seemingly get sucked into itself and disappeared. the vibrations stopped and the crackling fell silent. whatever it was it was gone. im kinda disappointed. its like it just didnt quite have the strength to manifest. im guessing it was a failed attempt by a demon to manifest. things didnt quiet last long enough for me to really gage what it was. still it has been too long sense ive seen something like that, or even felt something that strong. this all happened in about 3 mins time. before i came in to write this, i made some mental notes to where some tools are, in the case it trys again another night. im tempted to try and help it. not sure though im kinda at an impass on wether or not i really should help it. if it happens again, maybe ill watch and see if it does better, and try and get an idea of what it is. then decide if i should help it or not. blah. i was really hoping for something exciting but man i have an aweful taste of disappointment in my mouth, then again it could be the sulphur.

Rant on Local Groups
So yeah, local pagan, occult, covens and what not have been pretty, well lets just say, less then desirable for me. A few friends and i have our own group, but our circle remains incomplete by 3. solitary work only goes so far, and for me and my undying urge to further and expand my knowledge base and practice this really hurts. Finding good people who fit well into a group like this is also very difficult, but what can you do. Not everyone with an interest in the occult world are willing to take those extra steps. people in general seem to be content with some of the biased bs many authors pump out to produce a factory of making money. there is a lack of good information out there in the general market, which is why i believe group settings are very good. i dont know if any of the locals in my area who have lj will see this, but ill say it just incase, im not trying to knock anyone down, just making a general observation. as for the local groups ive just a very different idea then most of you, and it works very well, in fact better then most of the rubbish ive read and seen in some of these groups recommended lists of reads. No offense, the books arent really that bad, if you know whats worth taking from them, and thats not easy. Im reminded of a comment the magick_jrnls owner states in the bio about internet spells and having bad experiences. she was right on the mark. these spells and most mainstream books on the subject are about only good for a few things, some contain scraps of decent information that gets hidden by preconcieved notions of the writer, but many would serve better as kindling on my ritual fires. i guess im really just against jumping on the bandwagon in any spiritual practice or religion, and thats sadly what many people do, and they never glimpse real truth because of it. Its sad, theres a lot of people who need to wake up and smell the crap theyve been fed. those of you who observe and study pretty much exclusively, thats a very good thing, because you develope a large knowledge base for if you ever decide to practice. those  who do practice and realize that theres a lot of bs tossed around likes its written by the gods and godesses themselves, i send my deepest reguards to you and tip my hat. bravo. oh i suppose i should say that this has nothing to do with any online groups, havent had enough experience with them to make such a strong statement on them. i just wish it was easier to meet people who dont have some preconcieved notions about the topic, but have a good knowledge base, or the right amount of drive to develope that knowledge base. even the right beginners with a good sound mind and strong fortitude would be an excellent example of the people my group is looking for.

Business Meeting
Yesterdays meeting with the people from magusbooks went well. In the near future they will be carrying my products once more, hopefully by the middle of august. Thursday ill be meeting with the owner of Bizarre Bazaar, who is also interested in carrying my products, should go very well. since this meeting will take place in on home turf. Bizarre Bazaar is currently only web based, but is planning on opening a shop, August 1st, near the state far grounds. They will be having there grand opening right as the state fair begins. so it should be a fairly good opportunity for some sales. im actually considering being at the store during the grand opening. I still need to discuss this with them, but i think it would be really good for business. The Website for our business is still a few weeks out. the main part left to do is set up a shopping cart, through paypal. Last nights ritual also went very well. it was the icing on the cake for the evening.  im a little sleepy today, was up pretty late writing another post, but doing good.

frustrations with people
well it was a frustrating day for me as staff on AOV. one of the other staff members, dont know who broke an event on of the other staff members and i spent a lot of time working on. its really frustrating sense staff isnt supposed to make changes to stuff other staff members do unless asked too, or have gotten permission to make. its really frustrating sense we shouldnt have to go over all of our stuff everytime we want to use it. bleh hopefully one of my bosses may know whats up. if not im gonna have to leave a reminder for the other staff about messing with other peoples stuff its not cool.

so i broke down and joined the magick_jrnls community
i was won over by their post on essential oil safety tips. since the main part of my business deals uses essential oils to create the rituals oils i sell, this was kind of a no brainer. some of the info i was iffy on, but this is what made my mind up. its really too bad that it isnt a forum, sense it would be easier to navigate that way, but hey it works. running a forum can be a pretty tough job. ive run enough to know. the activity level of the community seems kinda low, but thats not a big deal. As ive been reading more and more of the past postings its become very obvious that the person running the community really likes doing it, and i respect that a lot. they have taken a lot of time to bring a good amount of reliable information, even in the cases where the info is a bit sketchy, which isnt that often. they obviously done a lot of research on it, and that makes a big difference. there is an aweful lot of biased information on the topic of magick  and they seem to have taken out that bias. there is a lot i could contribute to this community, but im not sure where to draw the line on what i should share and what i shouldnt. these things include but arent limited to, spell and ritual creation, ley lines, sigil magick, environmental issues(this goes along with the ley lines stuff i suppose), substitutions, identifying spirits,  sacred geometry(my version of it anyway, which is pretty basic), guardian spirits, and watchers.

arg dungeon madness
so for the last few months ive been customizing a dungeon and coding monsters for ageofvirtues. it will be really satisfying when its finished but man its been one headache after another. between setting up the spawn points of the monsters and actually selecting them its pretty difficult. especially so it caters to even the most skilled veteran player.

lately theres been so new staff selected. one of the things thats common, and im sure i was the same way when i was new, is that they seem to not realize how hard it actually is to do what we do. before i became staff for ageofvirtues i didnt know anything about c# coding. now i know more then i ever thought i would. computer coding was never really my cup of tea, but the things ive learn while doing this job, have been well worth the trouble and effort. knowing how to code isnt required to be staff, the things ive been doing for ageofvirtues isnt something that everyone can do either. for the most part staff serves to answer pages, host events and customer service issues, which doesnt take any coding experience. i wanted to do the dungeon and it helped that i was already starting to learn to code. it allowed me to get the monsters i wanted for the dungeon.

well im heading back to work on the dungeon.

shameless advertisement follows ;)


runuo freeshard of ultima online
oh and if you come and join us dont patch uo past 6.013.2 at the moment
osi broke the patches past that, and runuo has been scrambling to fix it.
hopefully that wont be an issue much longer.

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friends, people
so yeah, im a bit curious about how often people see these journal posts, if anyone ever sees them at all. ive got 1 friend on my list. seems to be pretty cool person, but does that really mean anything. it would be kinda nice to know who's reading the stuff i type, if anyone is at all. its nice to type out my thoughts and all, but im still questioning if this is really the place to do it. in the couple hours i get in the morning ive been looking around, trying to get a feel for things. Still havent figured out how this all works. I have noticed a lot of people talking about "wack jobs" and "bots" is that really something people need to worry about? i suppose theres all types here. i hope people dont see me as one of those wack jobs. im married, i have a daughter whose almost 3. im not here to start trouble for anyone.

relief that work is finished
spending a day filling 432 2dram bottles by hand, not the recommended thing if your wanting to have fun. its about as fun as watching paint dry. At least its done. Its by far the most boring part of my job, takes about 10 hours to do depending on how many breaks i take. its not very hard work, just makes for some stiff shoulders and a numb brain. i started sunday afternoon, and finished at about 2am monday morning. tomorrow we can start making scrying mirrors again as well as "The Board" that will be a welcomed change of pace. tonight its time to do a new moon ritual, do a little research, and some good ole meditation in "the chair". i love my job. even the boring stuff.

little sleep but enough time to dream
in the couple of hours i did sleep, i managed to have a pretty short dream. i was standing in a field at night. the moon was full, and it was during a total lunar eclipse. there were others there, but they were shadowed so i couldnt say who they were. there was thirteen of us in all. I felt like we were doing some sort of ritual, but what i dont know. i didnt even recognize the field. what i find strange is that at most currently the group i practice with numbers seven, and on average its three or four. so who were the other six people. my dreams tend to be premonitions and usually i dont dream at all, typically i have nightmares of past events from what one could only call past lives. not sure what to make of it, especially sense in the past we have found it very difficult to bring anyone reliable into our circle and even harder to find people who share a close enough belief system or an open enough mind to even consider them. maybe as the day goes on, ill remember more, or the details of what i saw will become more clear. heres to hope. this is gonna be on my mind all day.